A Closed Hand

One day I was looking through old pictures on my iPhone and I noticed that my hands were balled into a fist in every photo I was in. I thought well that's weird and just kept scrolling through the pictures and Holy Spirit spoke to me. He began to tell me that this was an outward expression of something that was going on in my heart. That my heart was not completely open to receiving all that God had in store for me. That I did not really trust Him and believe that I deserved all that he had promised me. 


The experiences I had been through in my adult life somehow made me think that I did not deserve the things that God had been whispering in my ear. Even though I could hear him very clear, I believed that because of my many "failures" there was no way he was really talking to me. Maybe it was just my mind playing cruel games with me. As I began to think about this I started to see that I was really comparing God to the disappointments I've had from people and circumstances throughout the years. I was unconsciously putting God in the same category.  Once again I started to see that the Holy Spirit was exposing an area that I needed to work on. 

You see when we get hurt or our expectations are not met by people or situations in our lives we slowly start to close our hearts. My hands being balled up in those pictures was an outward expression of my heart. I was slowly closing my heart to others and God at the same time. So I went to prayer and asked God to forgive me and to show me what I needed to do to make this all better. Just like many other times the Lord surprised me and said "I'm going to show you why I will never hurt you, why you can trust me and why I'm the safest place your heart can rest." He took me to the answer His Word. 

He said...

Quinika I will never leave you... Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

-Isaiah 41:10

Quinika my love will never cease for you... I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. 

-Jeremiah 31:3 

Quinika I will never hurt you, I have great plans for your life... For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. 

-Jeremiah 29:11 

There were so many other places that the Lord took me to remind me of his unfailing love and why I should open my hands (heart) back to all that he had for me. You see I thought I was fully healed from past pains but just like the pictures I was smiling but my heart was completely closed. God is so good because he loves us enough to help us so that we can walk in the fullness of his love. It was time to open my hands so that I could move into all that the Lord has for me. 

As I was writing this, I was sitting by my grandmother and she told me "listen to this song." I began to listen and it was Open the Eyes of my Heart. I began to get emotional because I felt like this is exactly what the lord was asking me to do. To ask him to open the eyes of my heart to see him, not the pain, not the disappointment but to see him in everything. To remember everything else in life makes sense when you look to him. This is exactly the lesson I was meant to learn, that life will happen but I serve a God that is greater than those things and will always take what was meant to destroy me and make it into something for my good and for His glory!

This was the hardest blog I have written thus far. I pushed myself to finish it because I know that this is for someone that feels the same exact way that I felt ( and still fight with). You feel like why should I open myself back up, why should I challenge myself when I'll just fail again? Well, I'm telling you that you should put yourself out there again, you should challenge yourself because you have a Father that will never leave you, that loves you without ceasing and a Father that knows the plans for your life because he wrote them (think about that). Live life without fear, not because your invincible but because you have faith in God who is. We don't have time to waste, we have work to do so that the plans for our lives will be fulfilled. The only way those plans will be fulfilled is if we open our hearts and our minds to Gods Word and live a life focused on Him. 









Quinika BentonComment